6 months ago
Showing posts with label enormous douchebags. Show all posts
Showing posts with label enormous douchebags. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Monday, October 20, 2008
Call Center Salesman Goes Crazy
I can't believe I haven't posted this video yet. I went through a phase where I was OBSESSED with watching and quoting it. A real call center call goes horribly wrong with added visuals.
"I can believable!" "Free CD Boner" "The future is gonna cost more money." "Little hoooooker."
Friday, October 17, 2008
Marky Mark Sucks at Life
Earlier this week we posted about Marky Mark being unable to take a joke.. we had no idea how severe it was. His rage about the SNL skit that very gently mocked him two weeks ago seems to only be grown. He appeared on Jimmy Kimmel last night and said of Andy Samberg:
"When I see that kid, I'm gonna crack that big fucking nose of his...and then I'm gonna tell him 'Say hi to your mother for me." He added: "I'm gonna get on a plane tomorrow, I'm gonna go down to 30 Rock or wherever the fuck they shoot that show, he probably doesn't have a dressing room so I have to find him in the cafeteria or wherever, and I'm gonna slap him in the big nose. Tune in, I gauran-fuckin-tee you."
Yeah. What a dick. I love it when people threaten a jew by saying they're going to "crack [their] big fuckin' nose." What really gets me is that he seems to think his little rant is funny and lighthearted. You're a celebrity. SNL can make fun of you. From his response you'd think the skit was Marky Mark Rapes Animals. This is really making me rethink my love of Good Vibrations. Oh by the way Marky Mark, say hi to you mother for me and let her know her son's an asshole.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Marky Mark has no sense of humor.
Last week we mentioned that I really enjoyed the "Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals" sketch on SNL. Andy Samberg did an amazing impersonation of Marky Mark, but apparently it wasn't appreciated by the man himself. Marky Mark took time away from his busy pants dropping schedule to insult SNL and that sketch--laaammee. One of my pet peeves is the "SNL isn't funny anymore" line when people clearly don't watch the show. Granted, I do this with the show Family Guy and sometimes the Simpsons, but I occassionally watch both shows to see if there has been any improvement--and sometimes I'm pleasantly surprised. Anyway, I can only hope that Marky Mark's comments spur more Mark Wahlberg sketches. Say Hi to you mother for me, k?
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Remember When This Show Was About Fashion?
Alright, I think we can all agree that Kenley sucks and yes, everybody cried. Sure it'd be fun to post everything mean said about Kenley this week, but really it all boils down to "My Dad was a tugboat captain and I can be as loud and obnoxious as I want" followed by a hearty "You suck!"
If I want to watch self involved people talk shit about one another and cry, I can watch The Real World. Going over my notes from last night's episode I found that I wrote "what if everyone cries because Kenley isn't eliminated" and I guess I was kind of right, but there are larger problems here.
Gloom, doom, crying, and fugly dresses after the jump.
For starters this dress won! I mean.... wahhh?!? It doesn't even have a top. Where are her nipples? We're down to the final four contestants who were given two days to make a gown that had to be "inspired by a flower," hands down one of the easiest most open-ended challenges in the series history and THIS is the best of the best. Is Jerell not aware that women have boobs?
And then there's Kenly's freaky snake dress or as Jerell so accurately put it "Kenley the dragon slayer's tube dress of scales." THIS wasn't enough to warrant an elimination? I can kind of understand because Korto's dress was a shitty shame as well. But I get the distinct impression that the producers want Kenley around so that there's enough drama to distract from the fact that this is the least talented group of finalists ever. It's barely a step above what it would look like if you took the cast of The Amazing Race and told them to make dresses.
As much as I was looking forward to the shit storm that is everyone crying from last weeks preview, I have to say the best part about this episode was the scathing remarks from the judges. From Nina's "this whole thing is kind of creepy" (at least she wasn't bored) to Michael's "I wrote cliche." At least the judges recognize how sad this whole season has become. While I wish Kenley was elminated and I can understand that someone had to win, even if all the dresses were sinfully ugly. Why are Jerell and Leanne not safe next week?
One final complaint... can the producers just drop the whole "only three of you go to Bryant Park" schtick. At this point we always know there will be some twist and anyone who reads anything about the show online is aware that four designers have always shown. This year the final six contestants got to show at Bryant Park!!! So it's not like whoever is eliminated next isn't going to get to have a show.
Next Up on Project Runway: Korto's making vagina dresses?!?
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Blaine's Dive of Death, What Went Wrong?
By now most of you have heard about the lameness that was David Blaine's Dive of Death, though if you haven't it's totally worth watching the video below. He jumps around 1:50 and the crowd responds with a LOT of booing, during which he just sort of awkwardly hangs in mid air.
Apparently Blaine was originally going to jump and catch onto balloons in mid air and then float away on them, or so he says in a hasty street interview on TMZ. He claims that the broadcast delay caused by Bush's speech and subsequent weather problems made the stunt impossible as it was planned. It sounds like complete BS, except that I took a picture of the aforementioned balloons and harness and blogged about them yesterday calling them "so much cooler than anything Blaine is up to."
Also, how the hell did this end up being the David Blaine blog?
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Kenley, Why Won't You Die?!?
Tonight's Project Runway was kind of a beautiful train wreck. The designs were a hot mess, but I can't recall an episode where we got so much time with the designers interacting which resulted in the revelation of one immutable truth: everyone hates Kenley, almost as much as I do.
Korto (on making Kenley look good on the runway): “I’m not gonna lie… especially not for someone like Kenley.”
I was particularly fond of her confession which went like this: “Kenley’s a hip-hop designer *incredulous look* yep. I can’t wait for tomorrow.” I love you Korto!
After the jump, I list the reasons that Kenley is a terrible human being. Also I'll talk about my favorite moments from this week, one of them even involves Kenley!
Dear Kenley,
You suck. I hate that you talk back to the judges every week. I hate that you can't take criticism.
I hate that it is awkward for me on a physical level every time someone
gives you their opinion on one of your fugly, 50s pinup girl inspired "outfits." I hate your ridiculous makeup that makes you look 10 years older than you are. Also, I hate your weird vampire teeth. I don't understand how you managed to make Tim Gunn angry, a feat I once would have said was impossible. Seriously, how foul do you have to be to make Tim Gunn want to cut a bitch? Oh Also I hate you for THIS outfit...
Yeah. I'm still bitter that it won. Seriously, it's a Florida granny couch with a purple goiter.
Best,
David Burch
And now for the things I jotted down during the episode that I liked:
Leanne grows on me every episode and the moment I find her rap online I'm throwing it up on the main page. The Leannimal is so bizarre and nebbish and wonderful.
Okay, so when this episode wasn't about Kenley hating life... it was about crotches.
Leanne while getting fitted: “You’re grabbing my crotch Kenley. *giggle*”
The phrase "bunching in the crotch" will never stop being funny.
Kenley: “Being sexed up by Jerrell is a little scary.” Easily the only thing the two of us have ever agreed on.
And what was up with Jerrell's pants? His junk was the 6th finalist this episode. I found it particularly amusing when the director clearly told him to hold his hands in front of his crotch for the sweep over shot, though the following intensely awkward dick closeup was totally unnecessary.
Suede after hair and makeup: “I’m thinking I look like I should’ve been in the drag queen challenge.”
Tim walking in after hair and makeup: “What happened to everybody?!? I’ve forgotten why I’m here!”
Also, what was up with the next week on Project Runway, Why is EVERYONE crying?!?
Tim walking in after hair and makeup: “What happened to everybody?!? I’ve forgotten why I’m here!”
Also, what was up with the next week on Project Runway, Why is EVERYONE crying?!?
And just so this post isn't quite so negative... I leave you now with a Kenley I adore...
STFU PETA
PETA Urges Ben & Jerry's To Use Human Milk
Group Says Move Would Help Humans, Cows
Every time I see a headline featuring them I wonder if they're some ultra right wing group trying to make liberals look insane. Sadly they're not. Way to keep the focus on important issues PETA!
Live Blogging: My Afternoon with David Blaine
So I decided to treat myself this afternoon with a visit to David Blaine's Dive of Death, taking place right now at the Wollman Rink in Central Park. I figured I could live blog the experience and bring it to you, our dozens of readers. But since I don't have an iPhone and carrying my laptop around seemed silly, I'm using the word live blogging to mean I wrote things down in my notebook and took pictures with my camera phone. (I don't own a real digital camera. Sad day)
In case you aren't up to speed you can read about his stunt here and read the many people bitching about how he's not really upside down all, or even most of, the time here and here.
Read about my experience after the jump.
2:02PM: I pass by some guy blowing up giant balloons attached to a harness, presumably he's going to use them to float up in the air. Little did I know that this is so much cooler than anything Blaine is up to.
2:03PM: I arrive at the Dive of Death stage, walk through some gates with signs informing me that I may be filmed and see Blaine himself, hanging about 3 feet off the ground surrounded by 200 or so people. I get in close and try to get a picture and realize all I'm going to get is a picture of people taking pictures of him. So I commit to that. I have the option of standing in line for approximately 40-50 minutes to get a picture taken up-close with Blaine, but I quickly decide there's no way in hell that's worth it. He's just hanging there talking to fans and some DJ from a local radio station with a puppet. Yeah.
2:06PM: A nice British couple comes up to me and asks if I could take a picture of them in front of the Dive of Death sign. They say they asked another "gentleman" to do it and he took their picture with their heads cut off which they inform me is wrong because "we have heads." I take another picture for them and they ask me not to tell the other guy that I took the same picture for them. British people are awesome.
2:08PM: All the random "We love you David!"s are kind of strangely affirming. Also, I've begun to notice that David Blaine has a disproportionate amount of hot fans. I can't even begin to speculate as to why that is.
2:09PM: David Blaine is hoisted up and then turned right-side up to stand on a raised lift platform where a doctor checks his vitals. Also, he gets some orangey sports drink. He takes his sunglasses off so that his vision can be checked. I wonder how he keeps the sunglasses on when he's upside down. Magic!
2:11PM: With a blanket wrapped around him, David Blaine pees.
2:11:05PM: I call Laura to tell her that I'm watching David Blaine pee. Sadly, she doesn't answer.
2:12PM: I get hungry and decide to go look for a hot dog.
Well that was the whole experience. Pretty spectacular I say. For those of you hungry for more Blaine, I leave you this...
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