American Idol Top 7 Part Deux - Disco Week

American Idol continues marching towards an inevitable Adam Lambert / Danny Gokey finale showdown that will surprise no one. (Spoiler alert!: Tranny Glambert's going to narrowly beat out the portly religious dude with the dead lady friend.) In the meantime this week brings all sorts of train-wrecky goodness to distract us from how stale and pitchy this season is as a whole: Double-Elimination Disco Week!

Yes Disco is terrifying and this would all be a lot more fun if it was Bee Gees week. Side rant! Frankly this entire season has had a dearth of overly restrictive themes which force contestants to rework music in interesting ways. I mean if Adam can get away with "Play that Funky Music White Boy" on "iTunes Top Downloads Week" then you've effectively made the theme "Songs that Exist." The same can be said for "Songs from the Year You Were Born" or "Songs from Movies." I'm sure no one was like "I can only pick songs from movies?!? what will I do?!?" End of Side Rant!

My Take on the Disco Week Performances and who is going home after the jump.


Lil Rounds: She screams out "I'm Every Woman." Well, she found a wig that works for her. But she still makes me wish this show had those red X's to stop a performance like America's Got Talent. Paula says she tapped into her "inner goddess" but didn't hit the "boiling point." Best part of the performance: Lil's seriously ghetto mother yelling at the judges during her critique. 

Prognosis: Goodbye, "Little" Rounds. 

Kris Allen: Outside of his INSANELY awkward banter moment with Ryan, his version of "She Works Hard for the Money" is pure sex and an example of the kind of retooling of songs this show is meant to be about. Also he gives us his weird jaw unhinging face again and I find myself thinking he looks kind of like a cartoon baby dinosaur. Having read that back I don't know what it means but it's totally my response. Kara uses the phrase "four on the floor" and sounds competent for a moment. Paula talks about Kris shopping in the women's department.

Prognosis: My favorite of the night.

Danny Gokey: He gets up and cheeses Earth, Wind, and Fire's "September." Really world? This guy would make a great wedding singer. Why do the judges like him? He's the fatter, less charismatic second coming of Taylor Hicks, a man who can't sell out a free concert despite winning American Idol only 3 years ago. Infinite HATE! 

Prognosis: You know he's safe but I'd watch another week of Lil just to see this smug fucker booted the week after the judges save is used. 

Allison Ihareta: So she comes out and does a dark, pop-rock version of "Hot Stuff," wearing a bonkers outfit that makes her look like a hooker while covering every inch of her body. There's white leather, there's giant bands of rhinestones, and I'm loving it. Her vocals are throaty and fun and while she still isn't living up to my hopes for her it's fun and entertaining.  If she makes it to the end with Adam it would be the most Frankentranny Fabulous Idol Finale ever. 

Prognosis: I'd say she's safe but I love her so I assume she's going thanks to Fat Justin Timberlake's save forcing a double elimination.

Adam Lambert: Glambert slows down and tranny screeches out "If I Can't Have You" and it's just ridiculous. I love him but this did nothing for me, but it makes Paula cry and shake. Kara says he looks like "the guy from Saturday Night Live meets Clark Kent," which.... uh yeah. Paula "never questions her visceral response" when she sees him sing and "feels his pain."

Prognosis: Only person safe tonight. Also, what's going on here does America not see how ridiculously gay he is? 

Matt Giraud: Holy god. "Staying Alive," no really. It's worse than you think. I give him props for covering up the conjoined twin remnants on his forehead with a hat. Well played, Timberlike. Randy hates it but says Matt "can sing," which I guess is good. Paula says Matt "picks songs like [she] bowls."  

Prognosis: Bottom 3 for sure.

Anoop Desai: Poor Anoop. I'm just so done with you now. His "Dim All the Lights" comes across like a really pitchy slow dance at a gay club. Do. Not. Want. Randy points out that it's "a little bit of a rough last note" because it was death set to music.  Kara thinks it sounds like it could be on the radio and I'm suddenly wondering if she's paying attention at all.  Paula continues her obsession with men in lady clothes by saying "real men know how to wear pink" also she says he has.... "beautiful teeth." Clearly a stellar performance.

Prognosis: Epic FAIL! 

Who should go home? Anoop/Lil 

Who will go home? Probably Lil/Anoop, though Matt and Allison aren't looking so good

Best possible outcome to make the judges go crazy? Dial Idol says it's a 7-way tie right now and a Danny/Kris double boot would make Paula kill herself on live TV.