"Okay, maybe I should've improved my attitude."

It's the final episode of the season and it's finally about the fashion again. Also I finally don't have to worry about spelling Jerell right for this whole post! The final three cast some models. Leanne refers to one as that "alien looking girl." Kenley steals a line from Laura when she says "I don't give an eff!!" Korto walks around the studio wearing a purple dress the exact shade of the wall behind her and she becomes just a floating head to me. A model's puppy expresses some distaste for Leanne's line by pooping next to it and she "can’t even imagine explaining that to the judges that there’s dog crap on the evening gown.”

We zoom over to Collier Strong at the L'Oréal Paris Tyler Perry's Madea's makeup room and while he's designing looks for the models I wonder if his birth name was something like Pete Smith. 'Cause if his parents named him Collier Strong, they knew what they were getting into. Tim gets everyone together for "the last gather round" and shows what a big softie he is. He is hands down one of the most sincere and interesting people on television. And without too much drama we get to the show at Bryant Park.

The runway and the winner after the jump!

At the tent Michelle Trachtenberg  towers over Christian Siriano. He must be three feet tall. Kenley's family is identified by onscreen text as they sit in the audience and I think to myself they are so brave for being id'd on national TV as having produced Kenley.

Kenley pops out with a weird hair nest and presents a collection which I'm frankly surprised by how much I like. It emphasizes a lot of bright colors, odd patters, a LOT of shoulder pads. 

This particular photo sadly doesn't capture how fierce this piece is when it's moving.

And sadly the goiter dress returns in a new form. 

Korto comes out and asks "Don't I look hot?" And she does. Her collection uses all these vibrant earthy tones. Nina mouths that she "likes the fabric" with such emphasis that Steve and I both mention it. At the end Korto’s daughter makes her way down the runway with her mom and my biological clock starts ticking. 




The Leannimal comes out and she's still the queen of awkward. Her collection is very sculptural, clean, cohesive and in danger of being one note. Overall it's my favorite. Though sadly her gorgeous wedding dress loses something on the white runway.

So we get the crowd reactions and I wonder if people ever say their favorite collection is one of the ones presented that isn't really one of the finalists. Blaine is "proud"-liscious? Everyone likes everyone, blah.

We go back to the judges and they ask the contestants why they deserve to win and I think to myself that the word "deserve" should be banned from all reality programming. The world would be a better place. The girls all cry like a bunch of Rickies. Heidi is for some reason incapable of pronouncing the word idea and instead says "idear" like my southern Grandmother. Oh and Leanne wins! For once the collection I like best wins!!!! 

So to finish off the season I thought it'd be fun to include all the many google search hits that have gotten people to our blog this season. They tell the story of this season far more succinctly than I ever good. Though to be honest, I don't really hate Kenley anymore.

"I hate Kenley" (x8) 

"who hates Kenley" (x5) 

"dear kenley i hate your" (x3) 

"everyone hates Kenley" (x2) 

"Kenley vampire teeth" (x2) 

"die Kenley Project Runway" 

"does everyone hate Kenley?" 

"who hates Kenley" 

"everybody hates Kenley" 

"Kenley sucks" 

and finally "Kenley die" 

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The Real Debate

Tonight at 9pm, Americans have a decision of great importance to make. One wouldn't be amiss in describing this decision as impossible. The third presidential debate and the second half of the Project Runway finale will be airing against one another. Personally, I'm thanking the TV Gods for TiVo.  

"Whoever wins, we lose."

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One of You Will Be Out... No Seriously This TIme

It's time for the designers to have their time off to create their collections and just looking at the four left all I can think is if Siriano were alive today he'd be spinning in his grave. Usually the first part of the finale is a little slow but the upside is that we get to learn more about the designers and their families.

Like we learn than Korto is a refugee of the Liberian civil war. (Spellcheck first corrected that to librarian civil war, which will be my favorite war when it finally happens.) Her collection looks interesting and prompts Tim to say "snatch shot" which I rewound about five times on TiVo and ultimately turned on closed captioning to make sure he hadn't said snap shot. So, kudos Korto.

Then we learn that Leanne's collection looks fantastic, her boyfriend is just as dorky as she is, and she was raised by trees. I felt so bad for her that she didn't even have some friends to introduce Tim too, but I'm very grateful that she got him to wear a helmet and get on a bicycle built for two. Does she just have that laying around for company? Or do she and her boyfriend use it every Saturday to go shopping at the food co-op. Oh you know they look like the type.

More Project Runway after the jump. 

Jerell from the mirror universe (no one else was thrown by the goatee?) shows Tim his fugly collection, introduces him to his obviously loving family and cries because his Dad drove trucks or something. Most importantly... Jerell is wearing a polo shit. It has a fun print on it, but it's totally tasteful. It really is alternate universe Jerell.

Kenley lives in Brooklyn. Is anyone surprised? Bueller? Sadly her collection looks good. Which means I was kidding when I was taking notes on this episode and wrote "I just can’t even deal with these collections. If Kenley’s is good I’m going to have to sit on a knife"

Back at the “bluefly.com studio," it's time for the one-more-challenge challenge, with the designers instructed to make a bridesmaid dress to go along with the wedding dress they were already forced to shoehorn into their collection. I'm pretty sure that if I sat down and made a list of all the ways the designers could show off their skills "make a bridesmaid dress" would come just before "mold a cocktail dress out of cat litter."

The designers make the dresses. Korto warns us that "somebody's dream is going to be ruined." Leanne and Kenley's are clearly good while the others are clearly eyesores. Jerell also manages to wear a clip-on tie on a chain as a necklace. It's somehow worse than it sounds. I would classify it as a crime against humanity, so I decide to root for him to go home and he does.

Also, Kenley's whole I'm-trying-to-be-nice-now-my-dead-grandmother-inspires-me arc combined with her solid looking collections means she might win. Really Project Runway? Are you going to do that to us? 

Next Week: The producers pretend that six contestants aren't showing at Bryant Park.

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Remember When This Show Was About Fashion?

Alright, I think we can all agree that Kenley sucks and yes, everybody cried. Sure it'd be fun to post everything mean said about Kenley this week, but really it all boils down to "My Dad was a tugboat captain and I can be as loud and obnoxious as I want" followed by a hearty "You suck!" 

If I want to watch self involved people talk shit about one another and cry, I can watch The Real World. Going over my notes from last night's episode I found that I wrote "what if everyone cries because Kenley isn't eliminated" and I guess I was kind of right, but there are larger problems here.

Gloom, doom, crying, and fugly dresses after the jump. 

For starters this dress won! I mean.... wahhh?!? It doesn't even have a top. Where are her nipples? We're down to the final four contestants who were given two days to make a gown that had to be "inspired by a flower," hands down one of the easiest most open-ended challenges in the series history and THIS is the best of the best. Is Jerell not aware that women have boobs? 

And then there's Kenly's freaky snake dress or as Jerell so accurately put it "Kenley the dragon slayer's tube dress of scales." THIS wasn't enough to warrant an elimination? I can kind of understand because Korto's dress was a shitty shame as well. But I get the distinct impression that the producers want Kenley around so that there's enough drama to distract from the fact that this is the least talented group of finalists ever. It's barely a step above what it would look like if you took the cast of The Amazing Race and told them to make dresses. 

As much as I was looking forward to the shit storm that is everyone crying from last weeks preview, I have to say the best part about this episode was the scathing remarks from the judges. From Nina's "this whole thing is kind of creepy" (at least she wasn't bored) to Michael's "I wrote cliche." At least the judges recognize how sad this whole season has become. While I wish Kenley was elminated and I can understand that someone had to win, even if all the dresses were sinfully ugly. Why are Jerell and Leanne not safe next week? 

One final complaint... can the producers just drop the whole "only three of you go to Bryant Park" schtick. At this point we always know there will be some twist and anyone who reads anything about the show online is aware that four designers have always shown. This year the final six contestants got to show at Bryant Park!!! So it's not like whoever is eliminated next isn't going to get to have a show. 

Next Up on Project Runway: Korto's making vagina dresses?!?

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Keeping My Word...

Best Week Ever had the goods... The Leanne Rap

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Kenley, Why Won't You Die?!?

Tonight's Project Runway was kind of a beautiful train wreck. The designs were a hot mess, but I can't recall an episode where we got so much time with the designers interacting which resulted in the revelation of one immutable truth: everyone hates Kenley, almost as much as I do. 

Korto (on making Kenley look good on the runway): “I’m not gonna lie… especially not for someone like Kenley.” 

I was particularly fond of her confession which went like this: “Kenley’s a hip-hop designer *incredulous look* yep. I can’t wait for tomorrow.” I love you Korto!

 

After the jump, I list the reasons that Kenley is a terrible human being. Also I'll talk about my favorite moments from this week, one of them even involves Kenley! 

Dear Kenley,

You suck. I hate that you talk back to the judges every week. I hate that you can't take criticism.

 I hate that it is awkward for me on a physical level every time someone

 gives you their opinion on one of your fugly, 50s pinup girl inspired "outfits." I hate your ridiculous makeup that makes you look 10 years older than you are. Also, I hate your weird vampire teeth. I don't understand how you managed to make Tim Gunn angry, a feat I once would have said was impossible. Seriously, how foul do you have to be to make Tim Gunn want to cut a bitch? Oh Also I hate you for THIS outfit...

Yeah. I'm still bitter that it won. Seriously, it's a Florida granny couch with a purple goiter. 

Best,

David Burch

And now for the things I jotted down during the episode that I liked:

Leanne grows on me every episode and the moment I find her rap online I'm throwing it up on the main page. The Leannimal is so bizarre and nebbish and wonderful.  

Okay, so when this episode wasn't about Kenley hating life... it was about crotches. 

Leanne while getting fitted: “You’re grabbing my crotch Kenley. *giggle*” 

The phrase "bunching in the crotch" will never stop being funny. 

Kenley: “Being sexed up by Jerrell is a little scary.” Easily the only thing the two of us have ever agreed on. 

And what was up with Jerrell's pants? His junk was the 6th finalist this episode. I found it particularly amusing when the director clearly told him to hold his hands in front of his crotch for the sweep over shot, though the following intensely awkward dick closeup was totally unnecessary.  

Suede after hair and makeup: “I’m thinking I look like I should’ve been in the drag queen challenge.”

Tim walking in after hair and makeup: “What happened to everybody?!? I’ve forgotten why I’m here!”

Also, what was up with the next week on Project Runway, Why is EVERYONE crying?!?

And just so this post isn't quite so negative... I leave you now with a Kenley I adore...

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